That Blue Vastness of Your Eyes

by Alethea Matthews

I
I look at you. You smile at me and take a step towards me. I can see your eyes sparkling with that twinkle of euphoria, as if, as if you’ve gotten hold of some treasure. That blue vastness of your eyes, marked with that alluring black spot, is so similar to the darkness of the night, to the melancholic vagueness of the purple moonlight. It makes me feel as if both of us complete each other. You raise your hands and hold my face in them. I can feel the fragile grip of your strong, muscular hands, and I want you to keep them there, forever.
But I hear the door of the backyard open and I know that you’ve heard it, too. I tell you to leave, and there you are, blowing me a kiss and intermingling with the black night.
II
I open the door of the backyard and there you are, standing with your arms wide open for me to rush into them. And that is exactly what I do. And you take me into a protective stance, trying to save me from everything, but your own seductive grasp. And I don’t want to move even a muscle.
I break into sobs and your suave tone echoes in my ears, “Mayella…..is everything alright?”
“No,” I reply. “Nothing is alright. Promise me you won’t leave me. Promise me. Now.” And you take my hand in yours and tell me that no, you’d never ever leave me alone, that you’d stay by my side for eternity, that you’d not spend a moment that would be devoid of my thought.
And my sobs fade and my lips curve to form a shy, nervous smile. You clean my eyes with your thumbs and leave, merging into the darkness.
III
It has been seven months and the night returns to me empty handed. The river’s mist brings me nothing but blurred vision. The wind carries your essence with you but it doesn’t bring me you. The chilling waves of the water insensate me, obtund me and it feels as if I’d whirl away in the sound of the back door closing and opening with the wind, as if I’d fuse in the limitless darkness.
And I remember those vast blue eyes with a speck of black in it, that delicate touch of your fingertips. And I want to die. I wish everything would finish. I wish everything would amalgamate and bring me you.
But, of course, how can that happen?
IV
It’s been a year now. And there is still not a single sign of your return. But I, I wait for you. It’s the mere hope of your return that makes me inhale this useless mixture of gases. It’s difficult, and day by day, it becomes more and more hard. I can’t find a filling, a replacement for you. But the truth is that I don’t want to.
You’ve left me and that is something that I cannot deny, something that is a miserable gift to me from fate. You’ve left me hurt. You’ve left me wounded. You’ve drilled a hole in my heart, a hole that I shall never be able to fill.
V
I open the door of my backyard and look at the emptiness of the night. The soft wind caresses my bare feet and the cold numbs my skin.
I look up from the floor.
Those same ravishing eyes, those same muscular hands, that same bewitching smile.
I look at you. You smile at me and take a step towards me. I can see your eyes sparkling with that twinkle of euphoria, as if, as if you’ve gotten hold of some treasure. That blue vastness of your eyes, marked with that alluring black spot, is so similar to the darkness of the night, to the melancholic vagueness of the purple moonlight. It makes me feel as if both of us complete each other. You raise your hands and hold my face in them. I can feel the fragile grip of your strong, muscular hands, and I want you to keep them there, forever.
And I look into your eyes….they are filled with tears. And I start to sob again.

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